“And we both know, that our love will grow And forever it will be you and me Ooh your life is sun, Chasing all the rain away, When you come around you bring a brighter day You're the perfect one For me and you forever we'll be And I will love you so for always” (Always by Atlantic Starr)
According to my research, this is the most popular
wedding song of all-time. Marriage is one of the most publicized event in a
woman’s life, and may be men get a little scared [just a hunched =)]. Well it
does not matter how grand or emotional it is because what matter is how the love
will grow together with the “vow” they made meant for always.
It started even in the
beginning when God brought the woman to man, Genesis 2: 24 “That is why a man leaves his father
and mother and is united to his
wife, and they become one flesh”. God introduced marriage.
I believe in marriage that it is something “worth
saving for”. My parents are not perfect but I see in their relationship as
husband and wife as an example for me of what marriage is. I believe in God and
His good intention for marriage in building a family. It is not a joke, not
limited to feeding an emotional need, it is more than physical attraction that
has a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman which bonded together by
God. Over time, marriage has change a lot from it’s terms and conditions,
functions and reasons. Scandals and marital abused are common issues seen within
our family, friends and community, that made a way for legal changes about
marriage like annulment, divorce and remarriage and couples opted to cohabitation,
where unmarried couple live-in as married couple.
My friend, shared a movie entitled “The pastor’s
wife” a real-life case, where they are living together in lies, opposite of
what they portrayed to other people. The husband abused the wife in physical, verbal
and sexual. The wife asked for divorce but he did not allow since it will ruin
his “good image”. So, the wife did shot him when he ignored his wife to
resolved one financial problem with her. It is a sad story not limited for Christians
as well as to all married couples who commit themselves “to cherish and to love
‘til death do us part”. Couples may live in a very selfish and abusive way within
the marriage that may cause to end in this worst scenario. I was shocked in
this movie and made me rethink of my previous statement that “marriage is worth
saving for”.
On the other hand, a movie entitled “Fireproof”, is
about a married couple for 7 years, but one day they started to always argue
over many things like career, finances, housework, and other selfish interest
that made their relationship unhappy and brought them to undergo the process of
divorce. But, the husband’s dad helped him to win back his love and his wife by
doing a 40-day “the love dare”, where he did many things and effort to save the
marriage, and they both did save it. In this situation, divorce is not the only
answer.
In the Philippines:
“The Philippines is the only country in the world that
has not yet legalized divorce. President Benigno Aquino III has said that the
legalization of divorce in the country is “a no-no”. — KBK/HS, GMA News
The number of marriage annulment and nullity cases
filed in the country has been steadily rising for the past eight years, with an
average of 28 couples seeking to have their marriages declared null and void
per day in 2012, records from the Office of the Solicitor General (OSG) showed.
A total of 10,528 annulment cases were brought before the OSG last year, or over 1,000 cases more than the 9,133 filed in 2011, government records obtained by GMA News Online revealed.
Last year's figure was almost double the number of marriage dispute cases filed a decade ago. In 2002, a total of 5,250 couples sought to have their marriages annulled or nullified. Under Article 36 of the Philippines' Family Code, a marriage may be annulled due to lack of parental consent, force or intimidation, psychological incapacity, fraud and physical incapacity to enter the married state.
Meanwhile, a marriage can be nullified when the grounds for union are void to begin with due to physical incapacity, or in the case of minors the absence of parental consent. Civil courts may grant annulments and nullity of marriage, while the Catholic Church can only declare nullity.
Atty. Friedrick Lu, a family lawyer from Lu Mamangun and Juco Law Office, said others prefer nullity with the Catholic Church because they want to remarry under the same church. He noted that both government and church each settles nullity cases in recognition of church and state separation.
A total of 10,528 annulment cases were brought before the OSG last year, or over 1,000 cases more than the 9,133 filed in 2011, government records obtained by GMA News Online revealed.
Last year's figure was almost double the number of marriage dispute cases filed a decade ago. In 2002, a total of 5,250 couples sought to have their marriages annulled or nullified. Under Article 36 of the Philippines' Family Code, a marriage may be annulled due to lack of parental consent, force or intimidation, psychological incapacity, fraud and physical incapacity to enter the married state.
Meanwhile, a marriage can be nullified when the grounds for union are void to begin with due to physical incapacity, or in the case of minors the absence of parental consent. Civil courts may grant annulments and nullity of marriage, while the Catholic Church can only declare nullity.
Atty. Friedrick Lu, a family lawyer from Lu Mamangun and Juco Law Office, said others prefer nullity with the Catholic Church because they want to remarry under the same church. He noted that both government and church each settles nullity cases in recognition of church and state separation.
“In House
Bill 1799, Ilagan and fellow Gabriela Rep. Emerenciana de
Jesus proposed five grounds for divorce: de facto separation for at least five
years, legal separation for at least two years, irreparable breakdown of
marriage, psychological incapacity and irreconcilable differences.”
In the Bible:
· God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16)
- Luke 16: 18 "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. NIV
· 1 Cor
7:10-11 “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must
not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or
else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”NIV
I learned in our class (3) grounds when
divorce is justifiable. (1) marital unfaithfulness/sexual immorality (2)
Danger to Life and Well-being of spouse/children (3) Marriage to an Unbeliever
(1 Cor. 7:10-16) if the unbeliever wants to leave, let him.
Marriage is a life-time love and commitment between
a man, woman and God. However, man’s own selfish action (marital
unfaithfulness, abusiveness) brought laws (annulment, nullity, divorce) that breaks
the selfish action at the same way it brought painful experience to the people
involved, and breaks the purpose marriage.
What are other measures could have been done to save
the marriage? (movie1: The pastor’s wife) In counselling friends will you advice annulment/ divorce as
an option? What makes marriage worth saving for?
Bibliography:
“More Pinoy seeking annulment despite high
cost” by Andreo Calozo and Marc Jayson
Cayabyab , GMA News April 4, 2013. http://www.gmanetwork.com/news/story/302435/news/nation/more-pinoy-couples-seeking-annulment-despite-high-cost
"Marriage and Remarriage" Christian Culture and Ethics classnotes, July 2013
This is a heart backing topic in today's world. Day by day marriage is becoming like changing cloths. when ever you want you can in many societies. Even in Christian nations it is like fashion, yes it will be! where Christ is not in the heart and center of the family. Most of the families we can see this days going for materialistic things not base on God and His love.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a vow made in front of witnesses and in the presence God. There should be no option for divorce. A husband and wife should do their best to respect its sanctity by being faithful to each other. One way to do this is acknowledge that apart from God we can do nothing. So couples should pray and seek God's grace and mercy to make a marriage work. I believe that Praying for your partner to be is the best thing to do. that God will be the one to choose who will become your partner. Romance should always be present and should not stop just brcause you're getting old. Laugter is also a great and essential ingredient. Married couples should not get tired making each other laugh. with all these in mind, there is no room for divorce.
ReplyDeletemarriage is indeed a sacred ritual. a married couple is bound together by the laws of man and more importantly, by the laws of god. despite of the fact that they are virtually viewed as one, this does not give the man/woman the license to treat his/her wife/husband unethically just because.
ReplyDeletegiven this, i totally abhor married couples who stay married just for the sake of "keeping the family intact" and "valuing marriage" when they are in a totally unhealthy relationship. if your partner abuses you verbally, physically, or sexually, leave. if your partner commits infidelity, leave. if you are not happy with your partner anymore, leave. there really is no point of being together in a relationship that is built upon webs of lies.
however, this does not necessarily mean that a simple argument is a legal ground for divorce. you married each other because you believe that you both saw something in each other you did not see on others. yes, there are differences between this couple and these might cause misunderstandings. but differences are meant to be understood and respected. simple misunderstandings will not lead to immediate divorce if this couple will just talk everything out.
having a heart-to-heart talk whenever confusion and misdirection arises is still the best way to keep a marriage intact. but if all these efforts are futile and nothing can save the marriage anymore, might as well break it off and call it quits.
I have seen Christian friends who fought for the marriage and yet it led to separation. If one party is really not interested to save the marriage anymore, its really hard. Its easier said than done when we are not on their shoe. There are lots and lots of factors of marital problems. These happens I believe if one of them is not Christ centered.
ReplyDeleteRoshan Nepali
ReplyDeleteI can't suggest any of these options because it is wrong from the God's point view. when people married they take the oath that is, no one can separate them except death. and also whatever the circumstances come in their lives they will dealt together. more over they commit to remain faithful to each other. taking such a great oath and want to think separation then let God judge them.
What are other measures could have been done to save the marriage? (movie1: The pastor’s wife) In counselling friends will you advice annulment/ divorce as an option? What makes marriage worth saving for?
ReplyDelete1) Marriage counselling may have helped them. But the scene did not give it a chance. There's only divorce and gunfire. 2) I would advise it hesitantly, but will do so if they are already killing each other. 3) For the sake of the model we are leaving our children and the humanity, it is best that we do all we can to save our marriage life in tact. A broken home is not a good model to leave our children, is it? Secondly, for the sake of the first love that we have had with our partner which was sweet, it gave us joy, and it was worth dying for - and love does not really change, we do. We have to redeem that first love, after all that is what we are seeking for in the "new love" that we are looking for, which we may not find anymore. The new love will just gives guilt feeling, mistrust, etc.
Well, since I am not married yet. My thoughts and opinions about divorce is bias. Divorce, as a matter of fact is an intimate relationship issue I suppose. Every couple faced the same issue of familiarity when it comes to two individual committing to live together forever no matter the marriage is godly or not. So, in my opinion, in order to avoid many personal and emotional issues that causes thread to couples. Each individual must learn how to let go of living a double life. This is applicable to everyone. I believe that those who learnt how to live a life of transparency and honest life are more faithful even with their spouses. For, disrespect, unfaithfulness, lying, etc, the root of divorces, or shallow friendship are not their issue anymore. For couples, I believe that undergoing marriage seminar's, training, and counseling twice a year will help them reflect on the reasons why they get married and strengthen their relationship. However, it truly is the mindset and personality of an individual that sustains a healthy married life.
ReplyDeleteI would like to add that marriage is a symbol of Christ's unconditional love. Yes it really a hard work, unknowingly to some, but sustaining marriage is really all by God's grace. That is why when we commit to marry somebody and love one's spouse until death is really an act of depending and tapping on God's sustaining grace and unfailing love. Aside from that, it is the most powerful, if not the loudest and most evident gospel that Christian should fervently uphold to. It is also where real discipleship begins and it is also through marriage that godly offsprings are born. Moreover, Christ instituted marriage that is why marriage is worth saving for.
ReplyDeleteWell I just turned 31 & still single, and at some point it’s really tiring to keep on hearing questions like “when are you getting married?”, “how will you be like when you get old if you don’t get marry???” and blah blah blah…
ReplyDeleteYou see, that’s why there are a lot of failed marriage these days. Not only failed marriage but chaos everywhere because people tend to do things for the wrong reasons. They opt to follow the normality of a life of an average person. They believe that it is necessary to get marry & have a partner in life so that when you grow old you have someone to be there with. Someone that will care for you & you’ll take care of. At most, this is probably the main reason why people get marry. Well nobody really wants to get old & alone so the average person have a mind set of as soon as you entered high school you look for a boyfriend or girlfriend and you do crazy things because its fun & its normal for people to do that. 99% of the population do that. Some, never get into college because they are forced to have a family at an early age. They get married because it’s what most people think is the right thing to do. Others marry because of intense feeling for their partner believing that they already found love because of the intensity of emotion they are feeling towards their partner but when things go wrong between them they just suddenly forget about those intense feelings they’ve had before they get married. Ending up hating each other like they were never in love before.
Sad to say, that’s the normalcy these days. People act out of sudden emotion without ever thinking the consequences of their actions.
&… marriage… I believe, is not something that you just get involve yourself with based upon your emotion at the moment. It’s hard work. It should be an agreement between two people. A concise decision between two body, two mind, two hearts and two souls who have agreed to work hard through the good times & work even harder on bad times in the course of their marriage. It’s not just making love, living together, having kids, building a home or raising a family. Most men, they think that as long they can provide good living for their family it’s already a job well done for them. That they’re already a good husband & father to their family. Same goes to some women who does everything around in the house & take care of the kids. That is just part of the job and there is more than just being a good provider & a household keeper. Marriage is a duty that does not end by just fulfilling your responsibility as a husband or a wife. It must be constantly nurtured. Before a couple gets marry, they started as friends & some married couples forget about where they started. When given a trial, they forget about the reason why they even get married in the first place. For some selfish reasons, people succumb to the hardship brought by responsibilities of being married and eventually the love between the couple dies. It’s because they never really have a firm foundation & a good enough reason why they get married. Just like the phrase in a song says “baby, sometimes love just aint enough”. There is really no formula for a perfect marriage & there is no perfect marriage. It all boils down to one’s discipline, belief & faith. If you are disciplined enough to be mature in entering a married life. Disciplined enough not to give in to temptations. Belief that marriage is just not having someone to love but to grow with that person in every aspect of your lives and that you were brought together to enrich each other to becoming a good example to your child. Faith that GOD has brought you together so no amount of problems, hardships, responsibilities, temptation can separate you from each other and living a life with your partner is far more better despite the trial, the hardships & sacrifices you have done inside your marriage.
Victoria Pangilinan:
ReplyDeleteMark 10:9
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Ephesians 5:21-22,25,28,33
[21] Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband
Marriage is not a contract but rather it is covenant. As God command both spouses that should love and respect one another. If God is not the center of their relationship, marriage will possibly break out but if God is the center of their life , marriage relationship will work upon their submission to God. Marriage is worth saving for for those who believe and obey God's word.
Divorce is never an option! That's why married couples say these promising words during the wedding day, "Till death to us part." The best question here is this, "Are you glorifying God when you give up on your partner/spouse just because you can't handle the problems?" Face the problem as husband and wife and reconcile.
ReplyDelete