Divorce and Remarriage

DIVORCING FROM GOD'S ORIGINAL DESIGN

By Gulnaz Naushad

Introduction:

Divorce and remarriage have been under discussion even during the Bible times. We thank God for that for we can find for ourselves today, what is God’s design for marriage relationship. However before we look at the teaching about marriage and divorce in the Bible it would be better if we first look at God’s original design for marriage.

God’s Original Design for Marriage:

Nature of marriage:  man and woman
Duration of marriage: lifelong commitment (Matt 19:6, Rom 7:2)
The number of parties in marriage: 
a)     one man, one woman
b)     Each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband (1 Cor 7:2)
c)      elder must be “the husband of but one wife”(1 Tim3:2)
d)     The king shall not multiply wives for himself (Deu 17:17)

In his original design God has no divorce and remarry on the list. This is the design Jesus refer to when he was approached by Pharisees.

Jesus affirms God’s plan for human marriages. (Matt 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18)

 "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery."
    
a)     They were created with this design meant for being together in oneness.
b)     Divorce was permitted by Moses  (not instituted by God) because of the hardness of man’1s heart (Matt 5:31. It was to protect the woman.
c)      This however does not change the original design which applies that a couple may get divorced but should not remarry for that would be adultery. There is an exception clause which implies that there are instances where a couple may divorce however that also does not allow them to remarry.
 
Why remarriage is prohibited in the case of divorce? In spite of divorce, The Union is Not Broken in God’s Eyes
1) Matt 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12
Jesus is setting a rule here and therefore make a conclusion.
Husband and wife become one (inseparable) for two reasons:
A)    Their physical union
B)     And God binding them together
Therefore Man shall not separate them. Divorce is possible but their union is unbreakable. Writing a piece of paper is possible but it will not nullify the wedlock which is instituted by God himself. Even if they get divorced and remarry both parties commit sin.
 
Andrew Cornes brings out that for adultery the word moicatai is used which refers to adultery which means married man or woman having sexual relationship outside their marriage. Which implies that ever after divorce their union is not broken therefore marrying another party means adultery.[1]

 Jesus Strongly Condemns Remarriage as Adultery (Matt 5:31-32, Lk 16:18)

“Everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commit adultery.”
 

“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

The Separated should seek Reconciliation, not Remarriage

 To the married I give this charge (not I but the Lord) the wife should not separate from her husband. But if she does she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife. (1 Cor 7:10-16)

Paul presents three rules: two for wife and one for husband

a)     Wife should not separate from her husband
b)     If she does she should remain unmarried or reconciled to him
c)      Husband should not divorce his wife.
Thus a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives. But if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law and if she marries another man she is not an adulterous Rom 7:2-3

Paul here reaffirms the impossibility of the breaking of union a couple has in marriage.

a)     It only breaks with the death of a partner.
b)     Otherwise if a spouse remarries while the other partner is still alive commits adultery.
 
The limits of reconciliation:
Once a couple is divorced they can only reconcile to each other if they remain single. If one of them marry and get divorce even from second husband they cannot get reconciled for it is even worse. Even in the case of death of this man or woman cannot reconcile with their original spouse. (Deut 24:1-4)

How should we respond to those who divorce and even remarry:
Reconciliation:

The first thing we should seek is reconciliation. If we have couples in our churches who go through rough patches and seprate or even divorce each other we as leaders and friends help them to seek couselling and reconciliation. Usually husband or wife of both carry deep wounds in their hearts which make their lives miserable. If they receive healing their relationship will be healed.

Sometimes wives find hard to reconcile with an abusive husband because they have fears and no assurance that he will change. In such instance husband needs to seek medical help. As he finds out the reasons behind his abusive behavior and deals with it the wife will more likely trust him and will agree to reconcile.
 

Education:
Education is very important. Teaching about marriage starts in pre marriage counseling starts. I have witnessed how we skip the commandment about husband and wife should not commit adultery when it comes to teach children. We should teach how husband and wife commits adultery. It is not just having extra marital relationship but remarriage also.

Church leadership administration deliberately declare a clear Biblical position regarding divorce and remarriage and have a strong ministry in family life. 

Redemption:

Is divorce and remarriage a pardonable sin? Is adultery a pardonable sin? Through Jesus’s ministry we know it is a pardonable sin with a command “go and sin no more”. In that context remarriage is a pardonable sin. But the couple has to confess and seek God’s forgiveness. Church should accept those couples who have sought forgiveness. However couple should not remarry thinking that later they will seek God’s forgiveness.

Conclusion:
Divorce is possible but not desirable by God, since it does not match with God’s original design. Divorce does not break the union that is established between couples by God and through sexual union. As a result, when a divorced person remarries, he/she commits adultery.

A couple may get divorced but should stay single. If possible, they must aim for reconciliation.

Remarriage is only permissible in the case of death of a partner. However, remarriage to the previous spouse is prohibited even in the case of death of the second spouse.

The church has a role to play in the lives of its’ congregation by teaching and preparing couples for a lasting married life. By providing counseling and prayer support for those who go through conflicts. By extending God’s redemption to the remarriages that have accord but understand that they committed a sin by violating God’s original design and bringing disgrace to him through their relationships.

SOURCE:
Cornes, Andrew. Divorce and Remarriage: Biblical Principles and Pastoral Practice. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1993.

Geisler, Norman. Christian Ethics: Contemporary Issues and Options. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2010.
House, Wayne H., ed. Divorce and Remarriage: Four Christian views. Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 1990.

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[1] Andrew Cornes, Divorce and Remarriage: Biblical principles and Pastoral practice, 193.