by Dags Miguel
New York Times recently published an article regarding corporal punishment and it talked about recent child abuse cases in the United States. The article discussed one speific case that caught the attention of their national media:
"Larry and Carri Williams of Sedro-Woolley, Wash., were home-schooling their six children when they adopted a girl and a boy, ages 11 and 7, from Ethiopia in 2008. The two were seen by their new parents as rebellious, according to friends. Late one night in May 2012, the adopted girl, Hana, was found face down, naked and emaciated in the backyard; her death was caused by hypothermia and malnutrition, officials determined. According to the sheriff’s report, the parents had deprived her of food for days at a time and had made her sleep in a cold barn or a closet and shower outside with a hose. And they often whipped her, leaving marks on her legs."
New York Times recently published an article regarding corporal punishment and it talked about recent child abuse cases in the United States. The article discussed one speific case that caught the attention of their national media:
"Larry and Carri Williams of Sedro-Woolley, Wash., were home-schooling their six children when they adopted a girl and a boy, ages 11 and 7, from Ethiopia in 2008. The two were seen by their new parents as rebellious, according to friends. Late one night in May 2012, the adopted girl, Hana, was found face down, naked and emaciated in the backyard; her death was caused by hypothermia and malnutrition, officials determined. According to the sheriff’s report, the parents had deprived her of food for days at a time and had made her sleep in a cold barn or a closet and shower outside with a hose. And they often whipped her, leaving marks on her legs."
According to the report, what influenced the couple to discipline their foster children in this manner was because of Michael and Debi Pearl. The couple, founders of the No Greater Joy, authored To Train Up a Child. Michael and Debi Pearl are Christians, missionaries and both church leaders in Pleasantville, Tennessee.
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| Michal Pearl says physical discipline is necessary for children. Photo Credit: Josh Andersen, NY Times |
The book, according to the NY Times, is a popular resource for child discipline and parenting. It has sold more than 670,000 copies and has garnered praise from various groups and organizations. According to the book, in order to discourage
misbehavior on children, parents are to hit the arms,
legs or back, even using a quarter-inch flexible plumbing line that according to Mr. Pearl, “can be rolled up and carried in your pocket”, and according to him is “a good spanking instrument... too light to cause damage to the muscle or the bone.”
A lot of people and not just Americans feel this way about corporal punishment, but the problem lies when corporal punishment borders abuse already. Indeed, disciplining children has always been a difficult issue in our society today, especially in view of cultural differences and religion where definitions and beliefs come in various forms and shapes. Legislation behind protecting children's rights, its implementation and its interpretation are generally considered clearly defined by law in many countries. However in actuality, it is still somewhat subjective because of how we as people, feel about it. Case in point, the "biblical view" of the Pearls.
A lot of people and not just Americans feel this way about corporal punishment, but the problem lies when corporal punishment borders abuse already. Indeed, disciplining children has always been a difficult issue in our society today, especially in view of cultural differences and religion where definitions and beliefs come in various forms and shapes. Legislation behind protecting children's rights, its implementation and its interpretation are generally considered clearly defined by law in many countries. However in actuality, it is still somewhat subjective because of how we as people, feel about it. Case in point, the "biblical view" of the Pearls.
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| “70% of abused children turn into abusive adults. Donate at savethechildren.mx. Break the circle.” Photo Credit: http://www.savethechildren.mx/ |
Global Effort for Children's Rights
Thanks to a concerted global effort which can be seen in United Nation's UNICEF, measures have been put into place to ensure that society is held accountable and to prioritize the welfare of children all around the world. in 1989, world leaders convened to ensure that: "the basic human rights that children everywhere have: the
right to survival; to develop to the fullest; to protection from harmful
influences, abuse and exploitation; and to participate fully in family,
cultural and social life. The four core principles of the Convention are
non-discrimination; devotion to the best interests of the child; the right to
life, survival and development; and respect for the views of the child." This has become a legal binding document, incorporated to legislation in all supporting countries, to uphold the rights of children. An example of this can be seen in the Philippines where abuses on children are still prevalent despite the presence of various public and private initiatives and measures.
Public & Private Sector Against Child Abuse
In the Philippines, according to Republic Act 7610, the law clearly states child abuse and even defines it in varying forms: Physical Abuse, Neglect, Physical Neglect, Educational Neglect, Emotional Neglect, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Exploitation, Emotional abuse, Child trafficking, Child Labor, and Abandonment. Even failure to report of such abuses is a criminal offense. The Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) has been at the helm of ensuring that these laws are being implemented, and have been looking after the protection of not just children, but even men and women who are victims various forms of abuse.
Bantay Bata 163, a well known non-profit organization (NGO), has also been at the helm in protecting the rights of children, focusing on raising awareness and support to promote a abuse-free Filipino society.
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| Child abuse ad in Spain which changes depending on height (adult vs. child perspective) Photo Credit: http://www.inhabitots.com; Advertised by: http://www.anar.org/ |
What Scriptures Say about Disciplining Children
It seems that society has put into place measures to ensure abuse does not happen to children regardless if they were being disciplined in the process, or not. But just like the Pearls, a lot of Christians refer to the bible to justify the use of physical discipline in correcting, teaching, and showing concern to children. Indeed, there are quite a number of biblical references regarding discipline, and a lot of them point to supporting that of Mr. Pearl's view on the use of physical punishment:
- "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." - Proverbs 22:15, ESV
- "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." -Proverbs 29:17, ESV
- "Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death." -Proverbs 19:18, ESV
- "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." -Proverbs 29:15, ESV
Does this mean and entail that physical discipline is 100% surely the will of the Lord? Shouldn't culture be taken into consideration that the context of scripture pertains only to its original Jewish audience? Having established that the bible as the word of God and the main reference of Christianity in his daily living, I would like to believe that much clarification is in order as to not misunderstand what God truly meant by disciplining children by physical means. Because scripture also establishes:
- "“5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “ My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 12 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”" - Hebrews 12:5-6, 11, ESV
- "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." -Ephesians 6:4, ESV
As explained by Hebrews, at the root of disciplining children by parents and elders should be love, because God himself disciplines out of love, and that this loving discipline bears fruit peace and righteousness, opposite to that of debilitating physical ailments and emotional trauma as outcomes of abuse. Ephesians even goes on to clarify that discipline goes hand in hand with proper instruction of God's word, the explanation and reason as to why such discipline has to take place for children. The assurance of love is what often is missed out by parents in their manner of discipline, and in place of a training and teaching moment for children and adults, becomes instead sin that bears fruit hurt and misunderstanding.
Jesus even further adds that when mature, elder men and women of faith cause children to sin, in our context when discipline goes out of hand and leads children to not just feel unloved, but leading them to think, feel and believe differently about who God is, or by leading them to commit suicide out of much abuse, or maybe leading them to a life of crime, Jesus has this to say:
- "6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." -Matthew 18:6, ESV
Conclusion
According to the NY Times' interview of Mr. Pearl, "blaming their book for extreme abuse by a few unstable parents is preposterous and that they explicitly counsel against acting in anger or causing a bruise. They say that their methods, properly used, yield peace and happy teenagers... But he acknowledged that the methods are not right for out-of-control or severely overburdened parents."
Indeed, no matter how society, the bible or even self-help books clearly define what we should feel about discipline, it is still up to us to at the end of the day what really happens in our respective schools, in nurseries, in day care centers, in birthday parties and in our homes. As responsible adults, we are to discipline accordingly the younger generation to become mature, productive men and women of society, yet it also demand for us to make sure that it takes place in a manner that is not just biblical, but socially and morally ethical.
Despite not having my own kids, the law and the bible is clear that when I do become a parent, I wouldn't have any excuse as to how I should truly bring up and raise my future children. We as a society have no excuse to not know what to do. In response to this issue, here are some ways I feel we can ensure we are truthfully protecting the rights of children:
Despite not having my own kids, the law and the bible is clear that when I do become a parent, I wouldn't have any excuse as to how I should truly bring up and raise my future children. We as a society have no excuse to not know what to do. In response to this issue, here are some ways I feel we can ensure we are truthfully protecting the rights of children:
- Control our emotions at the onset of discipline and anger
- To be well informed by law, by scripture what we ought to do as mature men and women
- To seek help (counseling, therapy) from reliable public and private institutions
- To be vigilant and report abuses regardless of circumstance (family ties, etc.)
- To support NGO's and the government to fight and promote child abuse
Discussion
What do you personally feel about disciplining children and of physical discipline? What are your experiences in terms of discipline growing up as a child? Do share your thoughts on this blog by writing them down on the "comments" section. Thank you!
Sources
Martin Lim:
ReplyDeleteAs a person who grew up being disciplined by my parents, I used to hate the times I was disciplined. Looking back, I truly saw the value of disciplining children. I was molded ever so slowly to be the person I am today, one correction at a time. There is a fine line between disciplining and child abuse. I believe it varies from family to family. But in the end, the parent should explain that the corrective act is out of love and to teach the child. Also, the parent should never take such action out of anger.
Thanks Martin for sharing your experiences. Would it be safe to say that you would do the same thing once you have your own kids? Or would you reconsider? Indeed its true that at the end of the day, any form of discipline should never happen out of anger. -Dags
DeleteAlyssa Ang
ReplyDeleteI am not a parent - but parenting is part of my job. There are times when I think that some of the students in my class are lacking in discipline. I think that parents now are too lax and uncertain as to how they should treat and respond to their children when they are acting out. I don't think that there's anything particularly wrong about physical discipline. I do, however, believe that you only hit a child when you can't prevent the misbehavior anymore.
I suppose the good thing about physical discipline is that the child vividly remembers not to repeat the misbehavior anymore. But on the other hand, if the parent neglects to explain to the child why he/she was treated as such, it might cause the child to think that something is wrong with him/her (or worse yet, leave emotional trauma on the child).
If parents will take the iron fist path, then those parents also need to take on the responsibility of ALWAYS explaining why they did what they did. And to always remember not to punish the children when you're stressed out, irritated or angry (otherwise, parents will just be taking out their anger or stress on children who had nothing to do with it.) But if you can prevent it by just talking to the child, drawing out the answers from them, and using words instead of hands (or belts, rods, slippers, etc.)that would be much better.
I was a product of corporal punishment. I wasn't ALWAYS hit, but the times that I have been, have remained with me until now. As a child, of course I hated being hit on the leg or getting pinched on the arm. But it helped with reforming some of the bad habits that I had as a child.
Thanks Alyssa for commenting :) I appreciate your teacher point of view on this. I myself was a product of corporal punishment, but I guess what comes to mind based on your thoughts is that corporal punishment has its place, yet shouldn't be the only thing we do in terms of disciplining children. I see your point that it's not necessarily wrong, but when discipline can be achieved without it, then we should prefer it as caring adults. Thanks again for commenting! -Dags
Delete"...the root of disciplining children by parents is love." I agree with this statement. However, there are parents who may have the purest intentions of "loving" and yet be extremely wrong in their disciplining. Despite having already experienced raising 3 children of my own have my own, I definitely would not say that I have mastered disciplining. I'm sure I never will. I believe disciplining should always be in light of how the Lord disciplines. And the thing is, I think the Lord disciplines in various ways and in stages depending on the individual. When I was a child, for example, I'd rather be spanked than be placed in a corner to wait. For my sister, on the other hand, sitting in a corner for hours is not a problem.
ReplyDeleteContinued...
DeleteI really think the Lord has provided various models in the Bible on how discipline is done. And we need his grace and wisdom in order to determine what is best for our children.
Thanks for sharing! Indeed as we go about disciplining, we truly need the grace and wisdom that only comes from God. Thanks again! -Dags
DeleteI am completely against corporal punishment. Disciplining a kid physically while spouting lines like "It's for your own good," "This hurts me more than it hurts you," or "I'm doing this because I love you" gives mixed signals. In fact, as a kid, I felt like when my parents resorted to physically punishing me was a sign of weakness because they couldn't argue their position to win me over.
ReplyDeleteUsing words and not actions is the better path in this case.
Thanks for sharing Alan. Honestly, having grown up as a kid who experienced corporal punishment, I too did not enjoy it at all for obvious reasons. However, i do remember my parents disciplining me that way when I REALLY needed it. I like the idea of being able to correct and teach through words and not resorting to physical discipline when I do have my own kids, but I'm also thinking if it worked for me then maybe it would work even to my kids. This is an issue I am still going to wrestle with in prayer. Thanks again! -Dags
DeleteMike King Li
ReplyDeletei believe that children ought to be disciplined. but the real question behind that, i believe is, "define discipline?" discipline is not equal to punishment, although discipline involves punishment (e.g. spanking), but it is more than just that. the child ought to know why he/she is being punished, and it should be administered with love, not anger. the purpose/goal of discipline is for the child to learn that what he/she has done was wrong, and that he/she shouldn't repeat it again... not that punishment be administered to the child to relieve the parents of their frustrations (this, i think, is what leads to abuse).
my 2 cents :)
Thanks Kuya Mike for commenting. Indeed there are various forms in discipline however for the purpose of distinction, we are talking about corporal punishment that borders abuse already. Touching on discipline, I agree with what you say indeed that it shouldn't be done out of anger, or done outside of love. How would you approach corporal punishment? Would you say you would also do it when you have your own children? Thanks again! -Dags
Deletehi dags, i think the question already has a slant... like i said earlier, punishment should only be done as part of discipline. and yes, if it's done as part of discipline (as defined above), then yes, i agree that it's good. that's why i tackled on the point of discipline, not punishment. you can't just talk about punishment and not talk about discipline. it's like trying to define red without using the concept of colors.
DeleteI myself have been hit before when i was a child and i dont remember a lot of times i was hit because i think after being hit a few times, i remembered clearly that if i did something wrong, and i knew it was wrong, i remembered the consequence. One thing i think is good is if that the child did not know it was wrong, we should also have a forgiving and merciful heart towards them. And i believe that is how my parents treated me and my siblings. But if we did it again, then there would be a belt to discipline us. However, i also believe that with proper explanation, Children will be able to understand there are consequences to things that are wrong.
ReplyDeleteThanks bro for the comment. I guess we are also the same product of the same manner of discipline with varied depending on what we did and how much we learned from past discipline. Would you say you would employ the same thing like how your parents disciplined you? Thanks again for the comment bro!
DeleteBcel Guerra
ReplyDeleteIt is heartbreaking how some parents actually scar their children, not only physically but more so emotionally and psychologically, in their attempt of disciplining them. Indeed any act of discipline must be spurred by love.
I cannot remember a time when I was hit by my parents. What I could remember is they used to explain to me what I did wrong and why they were angry. It made a lot of difference when they made it clear that they were angry because of what I did (not angry to me directly).
Thanks for sharing Bles! That's enlightening to know that your parents took the effort and time to discipline you in that manner. I wonder if that's how they were also brought up when they were kids. Would you say that you are not supportive of corporal punishment and would not resort to it when you have your own kids in the future? Thanks again for the comment! -Dags
DeletePersonally I am not supportive of corporal punishment. But I believe that the way I would discipline my children would be something me and my husband has to agree on. Disciplining children is much more effective when both parents agree on the principle and/or manner it is carried out.
DeleteBased on my experienced we need to discipline our children because this will lead them to proper life directions, but we need to be founded to the Bible as the foundations of the discipline process.
ReplyDeleteKuya Peter Eting? Thanks for the comment! Would you care to share how you have been disciplining your child? In terms of disciplining, would you support corporal punishment? Thanks again for commenting! -Dags
DeleteUhm, children are sometimes physically abused because their parents might experienced it when they are young too. Parents do experienced it may be a good or bad parent depending on how they appreciate their life and their stand in their faith. I believe that disciplining the children is the most obligation of parents but I do give that responsibility to all of us. We all have the role to demonstrate the love of Christ to all children we encounter so that even they are away from their parents, they will still acquire the good trait that our Heavenly wanted them to have.
ReplyDeleteI actually like the topic of your blog.. We are once experienced to be a son or a daughter but there is no assurance that we're gonna be a parent. But, we all have the freedom to give love and hope to each and every child.
Godbless!
Thanks for giving us a reminder Cy that indeed even single adults or young adults who have the capacity to teach and train younger kids should embrace their role in disciplining, done in a manner that indeed shows the love of Christ. So what do you feel about corporal punishment? Is that something you support or oppose? -dags
DeleteNam
ReplyDeleteJust as a tree that has grown wayward from it's regular path in search of water and sunlight needs to be pruned to make it straight so is also a child that has no sense of right or wrong ethically and morally needs restraining and discipline without which the child would perish in his wickedness. I am a living testimony to this school of thought that a timely discipline meted out to an erring child can save him/her from grieving the heart of the one who bore it. It's a gud writing!
My good friend from India, thanks for commenting on my blog :) I like how you used an illustration to paint a picture of why discipline is necessary. I guess that makes the two of us, products of parenting that disciplines firmly yet lovingly at the same time. So would you say you support corporal punishment? Would this be something you would also do to your children in the future?
DeleteIndeed disciplining children is our responsibility as mature adults in the faith, but as far having a stand on doing corporal punishment (despite its good effect in me) it is still something I admit I have yet to fully and 100% support. I can only hope that when I become a parent myself, I will be able to make the proper and Godly manner of discipline that would reflect Christ to my future children. -dags
I was a product of corporal punishment. My dad is a Pastor. Looking back, I guess if my siblings and I did not experience corporal punishment, we would most likely do more bad things and would disobey more our parents. Corporal punishment is more effective for younger kids compared to older ones. I believe, as the child grows, the corporal punishments should decrease and the parent should spend more time talking to the children and explaining their wrongdoings. Of course, the intensity / level of corporal punishment should be appropriate according to what the child can bear. What we do not want to happen is that the child will just focus on the pain and disregard the reason / logic behind the punishment. I am for corporal punishment but the parents should be responsible enough to choose what level / intensity of punishment they would inflict to the children.
ReplyDeleteThanks for replying, and also thanks for clarifying further to what extent and how parents can show/ explain clearly disciplining in terms of conducting corporal punishment. Indeed it would be quite alarming if parents still would use corporal punishment for teenagers or for much older kids who ideally have a much deeper learning capacity and deeper understanding the concept of consequence of sin. Thanks again for commenting and sharing your stand!
Delete