Why wait?
By Rechael D. Bustamante
Sex within the bond of marriage, is it worth waiting?
Couple years ago, a friend of mine desperately shared her regrets
and frustrations when she found out that her boyfriend cheated her. It is not
only because her boyfriend found a new girl but because she gave up everything
most especially her virginity to a guy whom she thought will be the man of her
life.
This
kind of scenario is not new to me. Growing up, I heard and seen people who have
been involved in premarital sex and how much they suffered to bear its consequences.
Even then, I am surprise to know that here in the Philippines, according to
February 6, 2014 article released by Young Adult Fertility and Sexually Study
(YAFS 4), University of the Philippines Population Institute (UPPI), and the
Demographic Research and Development Foundation, Inc. (DRD) “there are one
in every three youth aged 15 – 24 has engaged in premarital sex” and “1.4 million figure of mothers aged 15 to 19 years old”
(Michael Tan, Reproductive health advocate and UP College of Social Sciences
and Philosophy). The rapid increased of youths engaged to premarital has been alarming
to me because the increase of broken and unhealthy families is expected and the its effect to the morality of every Filipino. Now the question is, is it morally
right to engage in premarital sex?
Why
wait when sex has been viewed by many as for fun and pleasure. People even said
that why wait when everybody is doing it, its a normal thing to do.
First, we need to understand that “Sex is not a sin” it is God given gift
for man and woman and it should properly express and enjoy with one another
within the boundary of marriage Gen. 2:24 with the very purpose to
glorify Him through fulfilling God’s design of procreation Gen. 1:28, express
intimacy Song of Songs 1:13; 2:3; 6;4:5, provide comfort Song of songs
3:1, and bless the spouse through physical pleasure Song of songs 1:2
(Slick, What is biblical purpose if sex?, article). It becomes a sin
when it violates God’s given design of sex.
Besides of falling into sin, it is sure that there will be
consequences. Many of my friends who have been engaged in premarital sex
experienced guilt, fear, anxiety, insecurity, depressions, lost of self
respect, anger, self – condemnation, diseases, and early pregnancy. Even though how much a
person would try to avoid and disregard its consequences; it will surely come and must be paid off.
Secondly, we need to
know that “true love involves more than feelings…it is a decision of the mind
and will, with feelings riding on top or following behinds” (Heimbach, True
Sexual Morality, pg.260). The feeling of wanting sex outside marriage must
be controlled because it is not just for fun and to satisfy once pleasure,
rather it must be properly express and enjoy according to God’s design for sex.
I asked several of my married friends if it is worth waiting to
give up virginity within the bond of marriage. The following are their answers.
“It is worth waiting if both partner agree and
respect what each others want...if one disagree then it is a one factor that
can break a relationship”
“Yes it is. Because
sex is for married couple to enjoy according to the word of God and there are
really consequences in everything we do. Even the guilt you have inside will
not be removed especially if your husband is not your first.
“Yes, Marriage as
a God-ordained union is supposed to be a union of virgins – not only for women.
Most of the time, the cultural bias sets in so the requirement seems heavy on the
female partner only. But that is MISunderstanding the tenets itself… it
deserves to be celebrated in the virginity of two people - man and woman”
My mom told me before that “virginity is a precious gift you could
only give to your husband that includes respect and honor” and I know she’s
right.
Lastly, premarital
sex is sin like any other sin, for there is no such thing as small sin or big
sin. We may feel guilty and shameful when we commit sin but the good news is the God offers forgiveness
to all who will ask for forgiveness and repent.
Questions to Ponder:
1. Is it really worth waiting to preserve your virginity until marriage? Why?
2. Sexual desires have been a great challenge to every human being.
What are the practical steps we can do to overcome these sinful desires?
3. How we can educate the youths of today to embrace their
virginity until their marriage?
4. Is it justifiable to give up your virginity to someone you are committed to but your not married? why?
4. Is it justifiable to give up your virginity to someone you are committed to but your not married? why?
KINDLY POST A COMMENT BEFORE YOU LEAVE. THANK YOU SO MUCH ^_^
Sources
Aquino, Tricia. 1 in 3 Filipino youth aged 15-24 has engaged in premarital
sex – survey. http://www.interaksyon.com/article/80226/1-in-3-filipino-youth-aged-15-24-has-engaged-in-premarital-sex---survey.
(Accessed July 31, 2013)
Heimbach, Daniel R. True Sexual Morality: Recovering Biblical
Standards for a Culture in Crisis.
Wheaton, Ill.: Crossway Books, 2004. (Accessed August 4, 2014)
Slick, Matt. What is the biblical purpose of sex?. http://carm.org/biblical-purpose-of-sex. (Accessed August 2, 2014).
1) Yes it is worth the wait because it will be a good gift for your partner in life. A well-valued sexual purity will make you a whole person. Along with its benefits are the liberty from guilt of sexual immorality and self disgust.
ReplyDelete2) Avoid being into a relationship where physical intimacy is so high. Better yet, do not engage into a relationship until you want to get married.
3) We can educate them by giving them responsibilities in our churches and other areas of life. Giving responsibilities can help them think bigger than the immediate emotions and desires they have.
1) I believe so it is worth the wait. One who didn't engage in premarital sex has less relational baggage than those who did. But as I read through this write up, I also remembered those who were raped or sold into prostitution as a child or because of poverty had landed into the sex trade. If virginity would be the measure for "the most precious gift to the spouse," then, they have nothing precious to offer.
ReplyDelete2 & 3) It would be interesting to know the reasons why people engage in premarital sex. I believe that "how to overcome" is dealing the issue on the surface level. Practical steps would be giving them responsibilities or creating programs for the youth. I am not saying that those won't work. But how far would it go? In Missions, there's this principle that if we want to change the culture, we have to know and challenge the worldview first. Simple questions that draw out felt needs and identify the real needs would be helpful. Knowing what needs are being met on both of the opposite genders engaged in premarital sex, or needs being met before the act itself, would give us a good start to work on.
4) IT IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE. IT IS STILL FORNICATION ;)
ReplyDelete1. Yes, it is really worth waiting. Because I believe that PURITY means looking to God for our standards and not the world. Purity in and out are one of the best things that we can give to our future partners. One of my principles in life is "good things comes to those who wait." if that so, waiting is essential for us to get our God's bests.
ReplyDelete2. We can overcome these sinful desires by developing or joining a Christian Friendship—Someone to Call When You're Feeling Tempted, Etc. Lifegroup, Cellgroup, Smallgroup. You may not be strong enough to resist temptation on your own, but as you focus on God, he will inhabit your praise. He will give you the strength to resist and walk away from the temptation through praying and worshiping. When you are face to face with temptation, look for the way out that God has promised and then run as fast as you can.
3. We can educate them by inviting speakers who overcome those kinds of trials, or by using our Life testimonies. "Love, Courtship and Marriage" and "True Love, waits" seminars will help and educate all the singles.
4. It will never be okay for me to engage in premarital sex. Because, I want to please God in this aspect and i have faith in Him, that it will be more okay if i waited just for a while.
1) You must to wait until you get married before you do sex. Because I believe that sex is belong only to your partner, the one whom with you until the end. If you do sex without waiting until marriage your such like a .... !
ReplyDelete2) You have to maintain and control yourself for being sex addicted. If you want to do that at least once in a while but first, the most important things is when you get married and you feel happiness by yourself and gratefulness if you do that after married.
3) To educate and control that activity by the youth. They must always do activity by themselves or by the help of other people just like church activity, social activity, walking and talking to friends, in shorts make themselves BUSY. And educate them what is the consequences for having sex in young age.
1. Definitely YES! Especially for the women. That's why the term is "virgin" because it pertains an "unmarried woman" who has never engaged in sexual intercourse which place special value and significance, associated with notions of personal purity, honor and worth. Woman's best worth is herself to be exact and the best worth in being herself is the so called "purity" that God only allowed "once" that must be vanished only "inside marriage"!
ReplyDelete2. I believe that it's the church's obligation to do so. But for those who didn't recognize the church, School is the next option. Another thing, I still believe that everything happened for a reason, that's why we have this "experience" to be shared. It's either experience of being involve or not.
3. Since that I really care for my purity ever since and by God's grace, I do able to preserve it, my thinking is maybe kinda unfair. Of course for me it's not. But it doesn't mean that my ears are close to some explanation why it happened to some. My life saying and motto is "in everything God has a purpose!", which means that for me, everything has an explanation and God can turn a not-so-good experience into a blessing, "God is Able", He do forgives as well.
As a parent, a constant reminder and guidance and instilling reverential fear that we need to look at our bodies as God's temple and also we are to offer it as a living sacrifice therefore it should be honorable, set apart and good in His sight.
ReplyDelete3. How we can educate the youths of today to embrace their virginity until their marriage?
ReplyDeleteBring them closer to God. In that way they will know what is right having the Holy spirit as their guide.
1) You must to wait until you get married before you do sex. Because I believe that sex is belong only to your partner, the one whom with you until the end. If you do sex without waiting until marriage your such like a .... !
ReplyDelete2) You have to maintain and control yourself for being sex addicted. If you want to do that at least once in a while but first, the most important things is when you get married and you feel happiness by yourself and gratefulness if you do that after married.
3) To educate and control that activity by the youth. They must always do activity by themselves or by the help of other people just like church activity, social activity, walking and talking to friends, in shorts make themselves BUSY. And educate them what is the consequences for having sex in young age.
yes it is worth to preserve virginity until marriage! Sex is created for marriage so if anyone commits it before marriage then there is no value of marriage. In order to preserve of if you have to keep in mind that it is sin. secondly need to make the boundary in your life. The Bible says "flee from the sexual immorality... but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body" 1 Cor. 7:18.
ReplyDeleteHere are my answers to your questions:
ReplyDelete1. Yes, simply because without the bonds of marriage, any kind of sex is not safe. There is an absence of real love. Because love is not all about pleasure. It means a holy sacrifice for your partner, since both of you will be accountable to God. The Lord God Almighty designed sex for a sacred purpose. It must not be wasted recklessly.
2. Get out of porn. Tell your friends that you don't want porn. Tell your church that you are struggling with sexual desires but you want to overcome them by the power of God. Let a matured counselor talk with you. Pray everyday. Fast. Get out of bad friends.
3. Educate them about abstinence and the dangers of AIDS/HIV. Once, I also did not eat for five days. This is called fasting. I was seeking the help of God, asking Him to give me more strength to endure and overcome my desires. We need the power of God everyday.
4. No. A commitment of a lifetime involves a contract. Ha!
God's ways (even if we don't always understand them) are ALWAYS best! it may be hard to wait until marriage to have sex, but it is God's way and is so truly worth the wait (even if you have to wait 39 years, like I did)!
ReplyDeleteIt is worth the wait. I will like to state here that for the fact that people have accepted a thing to be normal does not mean it is moral. As Christians we should try to live up to the standard of God's word. The Bible says that marriage is honourable when the bed is not defied. It is better you save your dignity than playing with emotions that can only last for 5-10mins and everything is gone.
ReplyDeleteIdeally, yes, it is really important to keep one's virginity and make it as the most precious gift for their marriage partners. And this not only applies to women, but to men as well. However, with everything going on right now in tv, internet, and other forms of media-- where exposure to pornography is becoming the norm-- it became more and more difficult to help the youth nowadays to see the importance of keeping their purity. An underage boy can simply sit at home, turn on the tv and feast his eyes on immoral practices happening right before his eyes. Much worse if he learns that there are more of these on the internet. Or a parent can give their young girl a tablet, and she will have 24/7 access to pornography, although the parent did not see it coming.
ReplyDeleteIt is becoming a very difficult task now to educate sexual purity now to the youth, not only to the parents but also the church. Last year, we have one youth leader in the church who organized a valentine event to help other young people in the community know about keeping sexual purity. She invited resource speakers who really know a great deal on how to handle the subject. The event was successful, so many young people listened and learned a lot. But here's the catch: 2 months later, This particular leader revealed to us that she's 6weeks pregnant.
This story is just one of the so many stories I know that showed me how immorality is rampant in this world. I am single too, and like so many others, also in constant battle to keep my purity not only to my future husband, but also to God--in offering my body as living sacrifice--holy and acceptable to thew Master (Rom.12:1,2). But it still remains nowadays, to keep your virginity until you're married. Nothing makes it justifiable to do otherwise--even if you're already commited to the particular person or not, sex should still remain within marriage. One wise mother said to her daughter: "If you want to have safe, guilt-free sex, I won't stop you. But make sure you wear the most important thing in having sex with your partner--a wedding ring."
-*BeaBeybeh*
Definitely yes. It is worth waiting to preserve ones virginity until marriage because that is how it was designed by God. It can be the greatest gift a couple can enjoy during their wedding night.
ReplyDeletePreserving oneself would not be that easy. It needs God's grace and mercy. A couple must learn to respect each other and honor God in their relationship (even for those who are just practicing it, they need to respect and honor God with their body.) A couple must have an accountability partner to whom they can be accountable for with their activities and moments alone.
Instilling Gods word and proper guidance from the parents are a great help in keeping youth away from this sinful act. Guiding them and influencing them in choosing right friends can also be a great help.
Even if a couple is already engaged to be married and even in the preparation to their wedding, they are still not entitled to have sex until their wedding night.
And finally, virginity is not only for ladies but also for men.
1.) Yes. Aside from biblical, moral, and practical reasons as to why, nothing beats the peace and security that you and your partner can share with each other when both maintained their sexual integrity until marriage. :)
ReplyDelete2.) Steps? Just one. STEP AWAY! RUN! Just like what Joseph did. The thing is, overcoming lust is close to, if not completely impossible. Stop putting yourself in situations where "it" can thrive! :)
3.) I believe the church and those who cares had already done enough in terms of educating the youth about sexual integrity. They lack however in educating the adults more specifically, the parents. Knowledge is good in itself but sexual integrity is really not something you can teach to a person. In the end, it's up to the person if they will value it or not. So who can teach values to children better than their parents? None! I believe family has a big role in itself with regards to the sexual values of a person.
4.) NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE! Stop looking for loopholes. There's none. :)
Thanks for sharing this article. As Christians we need to understand that the ultimate desire of our hearts should be the desire to love God (Mark 12:30). This is the key to overcoming sexual temptation. It is not just running away from sexual desires but it is a conscious recognition before the Lord that you have within you sinful desires but at the same time you acknowledge that He is above every desire. In other words, we can overcome as we surrender all our desires under the sovereign Lordship of Christ. It is only in the Lord that we can be fully satisfied and not in sexual gratification. As we put God first, we experience not only earthly pleasures but eternal pleasures (Psalm 16:11). Furthermore, we need to have good accountability with fellow believers in order for us to grow in our Christian walk.
ReplyDelete